How do I judge thee?

Let me count the ways...honestly, I was taken aback by your boldness. Your benevolent interest in trying to impress me seemed to be your agenda since day 1.  Wrong move.  Honey, you should know that I am so easy to please but difficult to impress.  If only your fledgling mind had figured early on that all I want is for a man to uncover his true self without much hoopla, I would have most definitely enjoyed spending more time getting to know you.  Don't you get it?  Pleasing me through simple but sincere actions instead of magnanimous shout outs and frivolities.  I thought it was only natural that a virtuous woman should seek first, sincerity, from a man, above all virtues.

i am a child contemplating the roller coaster ride.  for every piece that wants to another piece backs away

It is not that you weren't sincere.  It's more like you tried to be who you weren't.  What the heck!  Who knows I might have liked the real you including your baggage anyway?  I appreciate that you tried to change for the better but it didn't last long, too, right?   I liked it when I felt at ease with you, talking and telling you my thoughts and sharing my feelings.  But I also looked for that missing piece that will make me really really value you.  I'm sorry if that sounded phantasmal or too worldly (you choose).  I really think that everyone deserves to seek that something -what one values in oneself and set it as a standard in one's search for the right guy/girl.  Well, forget about all these when you're not serious anyway.  I don't play games.  You should know that, too (in case you didn't notice).

I reign.  My innocent ruthlessness is legendary.  

My story is always the same.  It only varies in the ending.  I've dealt with and got accustomed to all sorts of reactions.  Wasn't it fun?  I had fun!  And I enjoyed most of the time spent together with you.  Those days were grand.  Those fights were epic as well.  How I wish life and love are just as simple.  You taught me to revel. You taught me to think.  So why do you hate me now?  You think it was easy for me just because I remained firm and distant?  I can be cold, I know.  That's the only way I can recover and repel.  It's so unfair.  I just took in every insult, every hateful word of your fervent whim.  And that, my love, is the saddest part.  I can accept resentment but not animosity.  How can you say that you loved me?  It is what you do and say when rejected, when your ego is wounded that I watched closely.  And I am ever so grateful for the three whom I count and cherish.  Time well spent with you my loves.  Now I know that we really loved with all our hearts and then maybe we could move closer and closer apart.

this is what i want for now

Someday, when I meet you,  I will know that it is you.  I know it won't be now because God is still fixing you and He is still preparing me.  We may have met before or maybe not yet.  No one knows.  When we meet, everything will feel right.  I will be ready and we will LOVE and it will never end.  Though I long for you I know you are longing for me too.  We will meet, and that is certain.